community reach engagement multiple audiences
i stand in my kitchen at 5:51am dipping carrots and celery that i meal prepped two weeks ago into expired hummus (fake news), catch a reflection of myself in the mirror of my curio (idk exactly what its called), wonder if it's internalized antisemitism or whatever that makes me want a nose job not exactly a nose job but just to like flatten the bump on my nose that i got as a child from a swing set that hit my face when i was 4 i realize now how i'm not sure if that memory exists whether it's a manufactured memory to rationalize my dorsal bump and then i observe the quiet and look into my bedroom hoping to see my dog sleeping soundly either on the ground by my bed or curled up in her bed. she's been dead for a week and if i truly missed her and loved her i wouldn't indulge in thoughts of my flattening my dorsal hump. i wouldnt care about washing my face how my skin and teeth look fixing my hair for the class I TA so my students think i'm mildly put together and hope they haven't seen that tik tok video i was in that went viral. if i was truly grieving i wouldn't do that i wouldn't read about steve reich and charli d'amelio on my phone or the entire plot to the new show the watcher and fleishman in trouble so i don't have to watch either of them but j can rest assured i know the entire plots so next time i drive down sunset blvd passing every advertisement confirming the passage of time the existence of culture infecting me with mild curiosity behind every billboard, i will prevail, with knowledge. no if i truly loved her truly missed her truly was valid in my grief i would not submit to any of those things i would only grieve in the purest of forms. writing a sub stack.